If you know me I am huge advocate for mental wellness. If you know me you also know I don't think this is a problem the powers at be need to fix alone. It is personal, but in my line of work I realize I am far from alone. I work with mothers at the most vulnerable time in their lives in a society that expects women to be all things to all people. A society where people feel they cannot slow down and we do not function from the core of our social human nature in the operations of daily life. I think we (society) , families , friends and communities or lack there of need to reclaim our natural human way of functioning in relationship to each other and work just as hard to improve our collective mental health as we do to hold our governing operating systems accountable - it is both. Last night my partner and I watched nature shows, he loves them. I do too for the most part with the exception of the battle of the species that ends often in one animal being an others breakfast. When I asked him why he likes them so much he said "animals for the most part live in balance which is more than I can so for us humans". True, so very true.
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| Akua and I , 1999 |
When I think of how our system actually profits off of keeping people unwell it infuriates me. Sentiments like this do seem somewhat paranoid to the uninformed health care consumer but talk to anyone who has been through it...I mean anyone and they will tell you identical stories of the ones I share. Ones of endless processing, waiting lists to long to make a difference when needed, of agencies that serve so few people and take on only the easiest of cases (at times people who could probably cope elsewhere). I have learned a lot from the profound and amazing work of Dr. Gabor Mate author of "Scattered Minds" and other amazing works. His work is one I credit to wading through my shame and guilt to be able to speak more openly about my own life long struggle with mental health , a family history and now my sons, whom at this moment has been missing for 50 days. This of course after a 9 month stay, un-convicted in custody because our system moves at snails pace, allows children over 12 to refuse help even when they have demonstrated they cannot make good decisions, and profits off of children's suffering to the tune of 300 plus dollars a day and some days way more ( I have done the math ). When I lie awake at night reflecting I am often in shock about how we got here, my son and I. I am all to aware of how my severe postpartum depression alone as a single mother effected him in his first year of life, and how a following unhealthy and unstable 12 year relationship effected him. I am aware of how a very close teacher friend suggested numerous times to have him tested for ADHD and I was afraid of what the label may do to him and of the endless private professionals I brought into my home for parenting courses in the early years of his daily defiance, learning struggles, and extreme emotion. I balance this guilt out with the knowledge I asked for help all the time, I approached the DR for ADHD testing and was dismissed, I had an emergency Dr say horrible things to my son at 10 years old when I went there to get referrals after an extremely bad night. I read book after book trying to find answers in the chaos of it all . We were all drowning.
My own story of trying to get help when I needed it is not much better. This of course compounded by a society where families parent in isolation not in community, a competitive society where shame and guilt have us fighting to appear like we have it all together when in fact most people are in over their head, living completely out of balance.
It is mental health week according to some posts I have seen. It is a frustrating topic because there seems to be two camps. The camp of this happens to other people and not my problem and those desperate for help. The help does exist it. It is early diagnosis, community support and treatment that is key. Dr. Mate says that ADHD people and children who than grow into ADHD adults have only one genetic component. They are highly emotional. The way they interpret the world , sounds, smells, noises is extremely heightened. It is overwhelming, distracting and frustrating. It impacts learning, relationships, emotional stability and in the end self esteem and producitvity. There are often underlying mental health issues like generalized anxiety and oppositional defiance disorder- all treatable. EARLY INTERVENTION IS KEY. These people need support especially in the younger years while their brains are maturing to process information. It can sometimes be medication, and it can be therapeutic modules and it is time sensitive. EARLY INTERVENTION IS KEY. The two plus year waiting lists I was quoted at every single agency I called (when my son was not able to attend regular school due to behaviour, had dropped out of football and I was running around with two other boys in tow trying to find him daily, manage his outburst and my own stress which ended in a stress related seizure for me, all while running a company) was a ridiculous slap in the face from our health care system and worse yet is a key factor in my sons current state. I said to each agency : " I do not have two years" , if we do not get help very soon I am going to lose him, what can I do to get him accelerated ? Their answer : only kids who are convicted of serious crimes get accelerated. Those same agencies have since said his crimes are too serious. All the while I have watched the system process and process and process him. They give him his "right " to refuse help, and have put him in harms way against my recommendations. A talented, bright , sensitive, funny human being is being streamed with the systems diligent help with outdated policies and misuse of funds down a path of destruction and it seems on all accounts the window of opportunity is closing rapidly.
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