Black and white or a deeper knowledge.

Call me crazy but I think that while people want things to be black and white and even try to lump events or actions in good or bad categories it is the mentally lazy way out ( yes I am guilty of this daily ).

It is convenient and it lacks us demonstrating our humanity .  Let's use an example I have seen circling the internet recently.

A mother giving her son who is rioting in Baltimore some "knocks up side the head" after seeing him on the news rioting.

http://globalnews.ca/news/1965722/baltimore-mother-caught-on-video-slapping-scolding-rioting-son/

The celebratory posts of this mother's conviction in droves through my feed. Don't get me wrong . This is not about judging that mother, this is not about assuming her child doesn't deserve strict guidance.  It is about the impression we choose to have after seeing a snippet of someones life in a news story.   Its about not knowing what got that boy there in the first place, its about asking how this mother has coped for the years up to now and where they have been and where they will be two weeks, two months from now.    What I saw was  a young man and a mother who were struggling to find a healthy way, period.   Yes there is the big picture of the societal problems that these conflicts represent, but one can actually conclude young men with healthy outlets and intact self esteem were not at that riot ( did you know that 95 % of young people in custody have mental and emotional health issues? ). This is also not to mean that there is not things to be resolved on a political level in terms of social issues. One can also conclude that there were likely other mothers who knew their children were at that riot and have already sacrificed endless hours at work, put other kids on the back burner , or are just totally burnt out from trying to do the job meant for a village by herself.   Imagine if we did not get sucked into it as a drama but saw each individual :the police and the rioters as individual human beings trying to make peace with their own humanity no matter how misguided and caught up in a human drama.  It is easy to make judgements behind our computer screens. It is safe, it is non-engaging, it is helping us focus on others instead of ourselves.    As they say ; " If you are not a part of the solution you are part of the problem. "   I had a professional tell me once: " Young people today are angrier now than ever in history" .  While I don't know this to be fact it seems that this observation may have some merit and I believe it may be rooted in our growing disconnection.   Perhaps the biggest opportunity  here is to look in your own community , at your own family, your own neighbours and offer and ask for help.  We all need connection and it is starts with all of us doing our part to connect with anyone in our path. To look them in the eye and bear witness.  Its the simple things that create peace in our own lives and the lives of others.

Call Me Crazy

Call me crazy, but I don't think I am the only one.  In fact the confessions of mothers living in a state of self annihilation  on the brink of losing it I have come across in the last 16 years of working with mothers ( many masking the stress under all sorts of what I call " barely coping mechanisms) has grown vastly in numbers.  I would like to acknowledge this does not exclude me.  This blog is about truly breaking the silence and letting people free themselves up (especially mothers) and to be honest about the ways in which they need help without fear of judgement or criticism, to acknowledge things are not working, taking the shame out of being fallible, and working towards compassionate change. Many families are suffering as a result of silence and stigma and this causes problems to grow and worsen like a cancer.  I want to face this head on with my huge network of awesome parents and advocates. I want to fight for real changes in the system and our society.  " Call me crazy" but I/we owe to ourselves and our children to try.  Here I will tell the stories of brave women who are not afraid (or mabey they are but feel it is the only way out ) to stop suffocating in dirty little secrets.  This blog is not for everyone. If you are the mom who has your shit all together all the time, never falls apart, or simply has the art of doing it all mastered that truly is amazing - for you.  Perhaps you have beyond exceptional emotional resilience. Perhaps you have ample support, or your personality thrives under ample stress.  This is truly a blessing and amazing- for you.  Perhaps the rest of us have something to learn, however there is also a higher than likely chance many of those women we think have it all together don't . They may be deathly afraid of the scrutiny that awaits an honest account of moments we are not proud of as mother's. The scrutiny that starts with "I would never", " I could never", "could you imagine doing x,y,z ?".   You see though this blog is not just for mothers, it is for society, it is for our children.   It is for the village's we have lost that everyone knows in theory we need but have no idea where to start . It is for the feminist movement that blessed us with opportunity but cursed us with an attitude of competition in place of sisterhood.Most of all this blog is for our collective mental health.  When we say mental health we often hear it stated in a way that separates the well from the sick. The truth is mental health sits on a continuum of complete mental wellness to mental illness and most of us sit somewhere in between.     Life events, levels of support, environment, financial status, culture...so many things impact mental health on a daily basis .    You can be blindsided by tragedy, you may have not acquired optimal coping skills, you may have simply given birth.  Many things effect our mental health.  Understanding though that there is incredible strength in numbers, healing in transparency, and learning  that  together we can all work towards compassionate solutions is a great source of hope for me.   The mental health of everyone is at stake, not just mothers, but young people  and men.  All of us humans are just that..human.

Please join me on this journey of personal accounts, story telling, system addressing, community building , healing and hoping .  Forever this has been a passion of mine and now the time has come to blow the lid off this elephant in the living room, and make waves and make change

.  Call me crazy ... I really don't mind.

Final Note
This blog is dedicated to my oldest son Akua to whom my heart is with at all times and the guilt I feel as a mother who wishes I could fix so many things but needed help.  Akua was born to me as a single mother who had severe postpartum depression and anxiety than and beyond his birth.  I was very resourceful and reached out for help for him and for me with doors being slammed and waiting lists that never ended, lets not forget about the family Dr I would love to name who suggested a nightly glass of wine to wind down and fall asleep.  I will share lots of observations and things I have learned as time goes on about how I believe we can all contribute to improved collective mental wellness.