Call me crazy, but I don't think I am the only one. In fact the confessions of mothers living in a state of self annihilation on the brink of losing it I have come across in the last 16 years of working with mothers ( many masking the stress under all sorts of what I call " barely coping mechanisms) has grown vastly in numbers. I would like to acknowledge this does not exclude me. This blog is about truly breaking the silence and letting people free themselves up (especially mothers) and to be honest about the ways in which they need help without fear of judgement or criticism, to acknowledge things are not working, taking the shame out of being fallible, and working towards compassionate change. Many families are suffering as a result of silence and stigma and this causes problems to grow and worsen like a cancer. I want to face this head on with my huge network of awesome parents and advocates. I want to fight for real changes in the system and our society. " Call me crazy" but I/we owe to ourselves and our children to try. Here I will tell the stories of brave women who are not afraid (or mabey they are but feel it is the only way out ) to stop suffocating in dirty little secrets. This blog is not for everyone. If you are the mom who has your shit all together all the time, never falls apart, or simply has the art of doing it all mastered that truly is amazing - for you. Perhaps you have beyond exceptional emotional resilience. Perhaps you have ample support, or your personality thrives under ample stress. This is truly a blessing and amazing- for you. Perhaps the rest of us have something to learn, however there is also a higher than likely chance many of those women we think have it all together don't . They may be deathly afraid of the scrutiny that awaits an honest account of moments we are not proud of as mother's. The scrutiny that starts with "I would never", " I could never", "could you imagine doing x,y,z ?". You see though this blog is not just for mothers, it is for society, it is for our children. It is for the village's we have lost that everyone knows in theory we need but have no idea where to start . It is for the feminist movement that blessed us with opportunity but cursed us with an attitude of competition in place of sisterhood.Most of all this blog is for our collective mental health. When we say mental health we often hear it stated in a way that separates the well from the sick. The truth is mental health sits on a continuum of complete mental wellness to mental illness and most of us sit somewhere in between. Life events, levels of support, environment, financial status, culture...so many things impact mental health on a daily basis . You can be blindsided by tragedy, you may have not acquired optimal coping skills, you may have simply given birth. Many things effect our mental health. Understanding though that there is incredible strength in numbers, healing in transparency, and learning that together we can all work towards compassionate solutions is a great source of hope for me. The mental health of everyone is at stake, not just mothers, but young people and men. All of us humans are just that..human.
Please join me on this journey of personal accounts, story telling, system addressing, community building , healing and hoping . Forever this has been a passion of mine and now the time has come to blow the lid off this elephant in the living room, and make waves and make change
Final Note
This blog is dedicated to my oldest son Akua to whom my heart is with at all times and the guilt I feel as a mother who wishes I could fix so many things but needed help. Akua was born to me as a single mother who had severe postpartum depression and anxiety than and beyond his birth. I was very resourceful and reached out for help for him and for me with doors being slammed and waiting lists that never ended, lets not forget about the family Dr I would love to name who suggested a nightly glass of wine to wind down and fall asleep. I will share lots of observations and things I have learned as time goes on about how I believe we can all contribute to improved collective mental wellness.
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